Studio Notes: Day 9

 

I touch up the “expressionistic mashing” from yesterday, as well as the earlier abstraction.

A delicate issue arises—clearly from externally induced thoughts: I’ve painted a severed corpse in front of a rainbow, and

 
 
My painting as organic holism

My painting as organic holism

 
 

I imagine hearing accusations from people that this painting sends a homophobic message, the depiction of a corpse in front of a pride symbol. I start thinking the paranoid thoughts obsessively, fearful that this painting would be seen this way and that it’s just plain ignorant to the issue. But then the realization comes to me that these are not symbols that I’ve painted. I do not care to symbolize anything (and, of course, to impart any level of homophobia). Rainbows and body parts exist unsymbolically in nature. My painting—as well as all painting intentionally devoid of symbols—IS nature. My painting is not radical juxtapositons, that is not my language, but rather it is organic holism.

I paint two women wearing hijabs in a red desert. It, again, is INTENDED unsymbolically. It can be whatever. There are no limits, no interpretations (I guess I agree with Max Beckmann a little), no actualization. The painting as anti-actualization. If one is impervious to nothing, one can outlast any version of hell.